50. Fraternisation
Cunn ignored the doubtful glances of the brothers as they left. Instead, he held steady eye contact with Titus.
His expression did not change until they were out of sight. Then, a roguish, almost amused glint entered his eyes.
βDo you know, what intrigues me, brother?β
βThe subtle play of moonlight on water, sergeant?β
βThereβs that of courseβ, Cunn conceded. βBut what also intrigues me is a brother of second company with the features of a captain Iβm sure I have seen before.β
βWhich company are you?β, Titus inquired, gritting his teeth. Sometimes, he just hated being right. If the latest information the sergeant had was that Titus had been imprisoned for heresy, things could still turn very bad.
βFifthβ, was the friendly answer. βTiberius and I served together before he went to the Deathwatch.β
Titus found himself cocking his head.
βAnd you were able to detect Vox going off limits and find your way here through an unfamiliar ship within a few minutes. Despite your injuriesβ, he recounted. βImpressive.β
Cunn grinned.
βIβm no librarian but a bit more sensitive to matters of the warp than you.β
βBut you didnβt burst and spill daemons.β
βYou know?β, the sergeant said casually. βI lay next to this rift opening, but Vox crying out was worse.β
βLet us not forget that rather powerful shield we were provided withβ, Titus pointed out drily.
βYes, of courseβ, the man conceded. βNow. Titus. I have personal reasons to welcome the thought that your librarian has a friend who speaks up for him and since none of you sets my teeth on edge like all corrupted people I met so far, Iβm willing to let things slide a little. Iβll see you for prayer. Brother.β Cunn turned and left. Rather slowly and unsteadily Titus noticed.
It had been an unsettling encounter but before the Ultramarine took time to reflect on it, he wanted to check on Vox. For the second time today he knocked and entered carefully despite the lack of an answer.
The psyker sat leaned against his sleep slab, sunken forward as if unable to support himself. Sluggishly he turned his head when the door moved. His face was still covered in blood and congealing lumps of scab stained his blonde hair.
Titus was uncertain what lay in his expression. The usual impish delight had fled. Left were only grave sorrow and exhaustion. Maybe even a bit of dark reproach. It was strangely hard to step into the room under this gaze.
βIβm sorry, little brotherβ, he felt obliged to say. βI shouldnβt have asked for the song.β
Vox looked down. Everything about him seemed slow and heavy. So unlike his usual self.
βThings have gone too farβ, he stated quietly and Titus found himself retreating into a defensive stance immediately. With crossed arms he leaned against the wall.
βI think we can agree that I hit my limits today, yes?β, Vox asked.
βYesβ, Titus replied steadily. He disliked being led like this, however.
βBut if you think you can play lonely, little psyker again, spare me the drama!β, he added quickly.
Vox seemed puzzled by this. He thought for a moment.
βWhat do you mean?β, he finally asked.
βI get the feeling that you are about to play rough to push me off. I donβt intend for this to work.β
βYouβre very sweet.β
βIβll take that as an insult.β
βIt wasβ, Vox assured him and rubbed his face. βNow, have patience with me. I might still be able to reach the end of this line of thought.β His friend looked at him from tired, blood-encrusted, blue eyes and Titus found he could not stand his gaze. He turned to the washstand, dampened a cloth and knelt down to wipe his face clean.
βForgive meβ, he said a little gruffly. βMy highly developed sense of aesthetics suffers from seeing you like this.β
By slowly and carefully taking the cloth away, Vox utterly crushed this attempt to lighten the mood.
βAlright, little brotherβ, Titus said darkly, sitting back on his haunches. βYou want to be serious? Then, go ahead.β
βYou might have noticed that I have some trouble coping lately.β
βNo, really?β
βAmong the things bothering me are you.β
Titus gritted his teeth and said nothing.
βYou arenβt the worst by farβ, Vox continued, holding his gaze. βBut you are the only one I can do something about. As far as I see it, there are two ways for you to help me out. One is to leave me alone.β
Vox made a pause to await a reaction. When Titus remained silent, he continued: βThe other one, and I want to note that this would be my preferred option, is to become my friend.β
βI am your friend, you moron!β, Titus burst out.
βNoβ, Vox said patiently. βYou are the guy to hang out with if I want to have a good time. Being my friend would mean being the man I turn to when I have bad times.β
Titus took the cloth away from him again.
βFine by meβ, he said grimly and tried to continue his doing. Vox grabbed his hand when it reached for his face. The gesture was gentle, without any strength behind it and Titus could have easily pushed on.
He stopped.
Suddenly, there was something fragile about his friend. Something that might easily break if he was careless.
βItβs not as simpleβ, Vox said, his bare fingers gently resting on Titusβ fist. βIf I turn to you in bad times, I need to rely on you.β
βWhen did I disappoint you?β, Titus wanted to know.
βDonβt get impatientβ, Vox urged softly. βItβs important that you understand the full extent of what Iβm asking. Iβd require a few things from a friend.β
βTell me!β, Titus demanded irritably. He wanted to act, wanted to help. Seeing his friend like this ground over his nerves like a steel brush on raw skin.
βFirst of all: I notice a distressing tendency in you to ask questions until you get answers.β
Titus actually blushed for this but he held his young friendβs gaze stubbornly.
βI need you to trust that I will tell you what I canβ, Vox said to follow this up. βAnd I will need you to spot when I canβt or shouldnβt go on. Being sorry afterwards isnβt enough. If I turn to you, I canβt fend you off at the same time. I need to feel safe with you and this means you will have to hold yourself back for me.β
βYou mean I should stop digging under your black shield.β
βThat sums it up nicely. Well done.β The grip around Titusβ fist tightened for a moment.
βAlrightβ, Titus said reluctantly and finally let the hand with the cloth in it sink. For reasons he could not explain, he laid his free hand on Voxβs fingers to keep them from slipping away.
βUnderstoodβ, he underlined. βWhat else?β
βI need you to be ready to pull that triggerβ, Vox said. βToday wasnβt the day but one day, I will lose my battle against chaos. I need to trust that there will be someone with me who is willing to protect the world from me. There are more things but youβll have to spot them yourself…β He fought to keep his eyes open. For a moment, his head sagged backwards. It was a strange gesture. Almost as if he was exposing his throat to Titus.
βAnd finally…β, his friend managed, focussing on him again. βI need you to leave. Go away and contemplate what I just said. I need you to understand thoroughly that Iβm a psyker and a black shield combined. One day, you will have to kill me and youβll never ever be allowed to ask the significant questions. Should you, after you have thought about this, step up to me and declare that you want to stand at my side, I must be able to trust that you will follow through to the bitter end.β
They stared at each other.
Vox had astonishingly blue eyes Titus noticed in some detached part of his mind. He had read a poem once where eyes like these had been described. Eyes as blue as the summer sky over Terra. The brotherβs eyes looked just like this. Blue, streaked with grey so light that it was almost silver and the merest, tiniest suggestion of gold around the pupil. Like the corona of a yellow sun. The eyes in the poem had belonged to a woman though.
Once more, Vox reclaimed the cloth. With his blue eyes alone, he pointed to the door. Without fully willing it, Titus found himself obeying his silent demand. The door falling shut between them had a strange gravity to it.
Blinking as if awoken from a dream, the former captain did not know what to do next.
He opted for wandering around until prayer. Afterwards, he made an early night.
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Guide Me Through the Darkness by Julia M. V. Warren is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Wow, the chapter was amazing, and the new characters are very interesting. Poor Orin, always being bullied by the Heartrocks brothers (chapter 49) kkkk π€ You wrote a great definition for the last few chapters ππππ
Oh, I did love writing these characters! :)
I liked the dynamic they developed under my fingers and the intricate interaction between mindset, opinion and behaviour. It is so vital to have intelligent people around who do their best to deescalate the situation. This way, we can all go on and do our bit ;)
The dynamics between the characters were very interesting, and you detailed the mentality and behaviors of the characters involved πππ Thankfully Tito was around to reduce the bad situation of the group π
I agree, we have to do everything to alleviate the bad situation and move forward in the best way π
You’re so optimistic <3 I love it!
Thanks βΊοΈ Although we are in the grimdarkness, I think we can have a little optimism, right? π